12-7-09:
"I'm sitting in Guidance right now during English, well, during E period, because I got in one of the bad moods I get in. Depression always gets to me, especially on Mondays....

Saturday nights are the worst nights ever...when you relive the past, your brain pretty much dies. That's what happens to me. Every Saturday night, I wake up at around 1am screaming and crying. My mind is running around in 5 billion circles, trying to remember where I am and if I'm okay.

No, I'm never okay. I'm never alright. I can't get this image, this horrific event, out of my mind. Yes, I know I need help, but I can never seem to actually find it. Hence all the problems I go through. I've been through shit in my life. I want it all to end, if it ever ends at all.

Back to being in Guidance, I need the time to just be alone and think. I can't afford a therapist, especially after my dad's accident. I need to find out what I can do to help figure out what my problems are. Luckily, I'm not the suicidal type.

It's 1:52. Class is almost over. I hope my English teacher finally realizes that I'm a psychotic teenager who cannot think straight. I want something to be done. What if I do something that I will regret? Why does this shit have to happen to me? When will everything go back to normal? Most likely never..."

12-9-09
"My brain/mind took over the actions of my body last night. I thought I could control it, but this is a bad addiction to pain, and as usual, I'm wrong. Last night, I almost lost it. Well, actually, I did lose it. I went insane. I...injured myself...I'm hiding it. I'm done. Good-fucking-bye.."





yep something's definitely wrong with me.....>.> ._.